Return from OZ

January has been quite a busy month. Of course Miss Cheryl was still in Australia visiting Miss Anne until the middle of the month. We had a wonderful time together the night she returned home, and a terrific week, but then I had to go out of town on business for a week.

I returned home last night, and we had another wonderful time together. Miss Cheryl wrote a bit of a teasing journal entry about it on her collarme profile.

Unfortunately Miss Cheryl and I have not had much time together this month, but what we have has been quality time.

I had a couple of presents for Miss Cheryl when she returned home from Australia, one she had asked me to get, a glass dildo. I chose one called the awesome blossom, and it turned out to be a great choice. She has enjoyed it very much when we have used it. Here's a picture.

The second thing I got for her was a hand made rawhide quirt. I thought it was beautifully made, and to my delight, so did she when I presented it to her. She loves it, and while she hasn't used it on me much yet was pleased with how severe it is. Here is a picture of the quirt.

This quirt is a real attention getter, the leather popper on the end that actually makes contact with the recipient is very heavy, it will wake you up. The little rawhide wrist strap on the handle is quite invigorating also, the knot on it stings like a bee when she hits me just right with it.

Well it is getting late, I had best stop and send this to Miss Cheryl for approval to post.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I hope that you all will have a happy and prosperous new year. May we all find happiness in 2010.

For me, I am just excited to see where Miss Cheryl will lead me, I know that it will be an adventure.

Jealous? Who, me?

Well, maybe I will actually manage to make two posts here this month. I was talking with Miss Cheryl , well chatting on the computer, earlier and I got to thinking about something. Miss Cheryl is still visiting with her friend Miss Anne in Australia. They have been playing with a few subs there, and Miss Cheryl has also been chatting with several online.

I have found it interesting that I actually become more jealous when she is playing or talking with a sub than when she is talking with a man who is more likely to just be a lover, or for that matter actually having sex with such a man.

This must be because a sub is actually more of a threat to me, at least in my mind, than a guy who would be her lover. I know I am not going to grow a larger penis, nor am I really likely to develop much better staying power, so I guess I feel like I am not competing with her boyfriend types. But I am competing with the subs.

Don't get me wrong, it is not a problem, and I really want her to continue to play with subs. In fact it is a turn on for me as well. I do love seeing how much she enjoys chatting and playing with other subs. A little competition is probably not bad for me either; it might help to keep me on my toes.

I just think it is rather interesting that I become more jealous of a sub serving my wife even in a non-sexual way, than I do of a man actually making love to her.

A post for December.

Well, I thought I should get at least one post in for December. It is so easy to forget about updating this blog, or at least to procrastinate and think I will get around to it tomorrow.

Miss Cheryl is currently visiting Australia. A good friend invited her over there, and the two of them have been enjoying seeing the country and playing with subs over there. They are having a great time, and I chat with her daily on the computer, we even play a bit sometimes, but I am sure missing her.

Miss Cheryl has updated her profile on collar me, and has been talking online with several new guys. She has been enjoying getting to know them online, and it seems like she is impressed enough with at least one or two that she may meet them in person.

Things are going well with us, there may be some changes in our future though. Miss Cheryl and I have been talking and I think we are going to be stepping the D/s dynamic of our relationship up a notch. She has been asking me lately if I would like her to become more strict. I think that at least part of the reason she is asking is that she may want me to be more submissive to her than I have been of late.

I have struggled with my answer to her. I do want her to be more strict, and I do want to step up the D/s dynamic of our relationship, however I am somewhat worried over whether I can handle it or not. I know it will also be difficult defining the new boundaries, I will have to learn just how submissive she wants me to be, and what her limits are for my behavior.

I did tell her that yes I would like for her to be more strict, and to notch up the D/s dynamic. She has been expecting more submissive behavior, and maybe more importantly a more submissive attitude from me. This has mostly been happening since Miss Cheryl has been dealing with more subs. I think that when she is dealing with more subs, rather than just me, that she expects more of me, and is less apt to put up with a bad attitude or behavior on my part. The corrections, discipline, and punishment seems to come much more quickly in any event.

Wow!!!

Once again time has gotten away from me, and I have been negligent about posting here. Sometimes too I struggle with how much to say here, just how much of my life do I really want to share, how much is it fair to share about Cheryl and the other people involved in our life. With Cheryl and I it is one thing, we are fairly open, but for her guy, and others, remaining completely anonymous is very important.

Cheryl and I don't want those around us knowing all our intimate details either really, we don't mind so much others knowing she is in charge, maybe not even them knowing that she disciplines and cuckolds me, but they don't need to know the details of that. Hopefully we will remain somewhat anonymous, not that many read this blog I am sure, and who knows if these are our real names or not, maybe this blog is all fantasy, who knows?

Anyway, Cheryl and I have been keeping on. We have been having some difficulties lately, not between us, just some life challenges. It has effected us in some ways, we have been having a lot less bdsm play, but as far as our marriage it is still definitely female led. I miss the bdsm play a lot, it really helps me to keep in a submissive mindset, but life does get in the way.

I've been having a difficult time being as attentive to Cheryl as I should lately. I've been working an extra job so time has been scarce, and I am often so tired when we do have time together that I am not as attentive as I should be. I need to try to get back to doing some of the little things, like rubbing her feet, the thing is it's easy to say this now, but at night when we go to bed, I know I have to get up early, and I am exhausted I just want to get to sleep.

Cheryl doesn't want to demand too much of me now as well, she feels guilty asking me to do things when I am so tired and burned out. The thing is I sort of need her to demand some things from me, and even to discipline me if I don't come through with what I should. I guess in a way it's hard for me to be a good sub when she doesn't act like a Domme. It is amazing how it can energize me when she makes me pull down my pants and uses a strap, crop, or paddle on me.

It's kind of a fine line we both walk when things are like this, I do after all need rest, when I am getting up at 4 or 5 am and working long hours I can't be kept up until midnight playing with her, or even just talking with her, or I will breakdown. At the same time we both need some time to connect, and I am much happier when she is at least somewhat demanding and disciplinary with me.

Of course this is life, and something we deal with all the time. It's just that lately with this second job, and some other things going on in life that take up so much of our time, it has been especially difficult. It is one of the challenges all couples face, finding enough time to just be with one another and connect.

Cheryl has not been with her guy for awhile, though they are still talking over the phone. He has met a woman, a sub woman, and is getting to know her. He hopes to find a submissive woman to eventually marry, and that we can all be a part of each other's lives. Cheryl thought it would be best if she backed off for awhile, and let him be exclusive with this new lady for awhile. We will see what happens.

I have been thinking lately that I would like to buy or build a queening chair. With my disabilities it is difficult for me to give oral service to Cheryl for very long, and I thought a queening chair or stool might solve this problem. I am having problems finding anything that I can afford, although I did find this, it looks like it might serve the purpose. If anyone knows of any sources for a reasonably priced (right now to me reasonable priced means pretty cheap) queening stool, could you please leave a message in comments? I would appreciate it. The other option would be to build one, it shouldn't be very difficult to build.

Well, I guess that is enough for now, hopefully I will not let two months go by again without some sort of update here.

Coming out....

Recently Cheryl has told a couple of her friends about our FLR. These were friends we thought were vanilla, although it turns out they were not as vanilla as we thought. We discussed this quite a bit before she made her decision to share with them. It was difficult for Cheryl to not have them know, she always had to be on guard about what she said when talking to them, and if you know Cheryl that is not comfortable for her.

We were and are somewhat concerned that one of these friends may share this information either purposely or more likely inadvertently with others, and that we may be "outed". We both think that these two ladies are trustworthy, and would not purposely let this info out, and hurt us. We decided though that if it does happen we will just deal with it as best we can.

We are not particularly secretive, most people who know us well are probably aware that Cheryl is the more dominant one in our marriage. Many people know that I do most of the cooking and housework, and that I dote on and pamper Cheryl. However much of what we do is kept private, including the kink, and poly aspects of our relationship. These ladies are now aware of most of these aspects of our relationship as well.

What I had not really considered before was how it might make me feel to know that these women now know so many intimate details of my life. I am a little afraid that they or I will feel awkward around each other now. I hope it won't be a problem, I have talked to Cheryl about it and she doesn't think it will be.

It is strange to have these friends know so much about this part of our life. On one hand it makes me somewhat nervous, on the other hand it is nice not to feel the need to hide, and it is also somewhat exciting that they know so many details.

I suppose this is kind of a guy thing, but there is definitely an excitement factor to being outed like this, I suppose sort of a "public humiliation" kind of thing. There is a thrill factor that these ladies know that Cheryl cuckolds and disciplines me.

I haven't had much to post about in awhile, actually I should say I haven't had much I could post about for awhile. Cheryl doesn't want me posting things about her and her guy, even though the blog is invitation only now. I certainly understand. When you actually get into a situation like this it becomes a matter that you are inclined to keep private. The difficult thing as far as this blog is concerned is that the poly situation has become such a large part of our life it is difficult to talk about my life, or what is on my mind, without referencing that aspect.

There has been another change in my life that I can't talk about, I wish I could. It is very frustrating, I am quite excited about it, but have to keep it inside. It is like a dream come true for a sub (at least for this sub), and I am sure someday I will be able to share it, but right now I must keep it a secret. It's actually another thing that is making keeping this blog updated quite difficult, because this is a large part of my life now, but I have be careful I don't mention anything about it here.

Well, I am making myself a bit sad as I type all this. I really wish I could share all these things with someone, but I don't really know anyone who would understand, and who I know I could trust completely. There are things I would like to be able to share or discuss without even Cheryl having access to them, but I don't have an outlet for that. I do have another blog, a private journal, but Cheryl and one other person do have access to it. I think I may need to talk to Cheryl and ask if I can have a completely private blog, that even she won't look at. I won't be able to have a discussion that way, but at least I could write about some of the things on my mind, which sometimes helps me to work through things better.

This is really not the direction I intended to go with this post, I will try to get back on track now.

Cheryl and I have been perking along, things are going quite well. The poly aspect has become a big part of our life, she's been spending at least a part of most weekends with her guy lately. We have been so busy with life, school starting back up and such, that we haven't really been playing around with much other kink lately. Well, of course the orgasm management/denial, and things like that, but not much in the way of BDSM play. I have received a spanking or two, but that has been about the extent of that type play for the past month or so. I'm sure that will change, she has been saying that some whippings/beatings are imminent, if we can steal some time away in the middle of the day while the kids are at school.

I think I will close now, I will try to post more as I am able.